Just came across this incredibly cool, very sweet proposal. A couple of NYC dancers are performing in Central Park to Frank Sinatra’s “You Make Me Feel So Young” (one of my all-time favorite songs!) for their performance reel. What the lovely female performer doesn’t know is that it’s also an incredibly romantic marriage proposal.

Cue the Bubble Guy.

Enjoy!

lisasig

(c) Copyright 2001-2015 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

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TMZ reported that former LA Clipper, soon to be Memphis Grizzly player Matt Barnes had gone on two dates with superstar Rihanna.

And a few days later Matt gives an interview to TMZ where he basically says he and Rihanna are an item, saying there’s “yeah, possibly” a future between them, and remarking about the budding (and imaginary) romance “I think it just passed the crush stage.” When asked directly if he and Rihanna are dating, he says, “Um, Rihanna’s my friend right now…we’ll see where it goes.” When quizzed about whether his upcoming move to Memphis might put a crimp in the relationship, Barnes answers, “Nah, she’s rich.” As though they’ve stayed up talking all night, snuggling in their PJs, and gabbing about how they can work out the kinks in their long distance relationship.

Here he is, sticking his foot in his mouth:

Once this aired, Rihanna took to Instagram to call Barnes out with a stunning hashtag takedown. According to the divine Miss R, she’s never actually met Barnes. And she thinks he’s the devil.
#thedevilisaliar #shesnotthatintoyou #shesnotintoyouatall #shesneverevenmetyou #thisactuallyhurtmyfeelings #defamationofcharacter

RihannaShutsDownMikeBarnes

Barnes was arrested on domestic violence charges back in 2010, and again on unrelated charges in 2012, while making national news for his use of gay slurs, so there’s yet another reason Rihanna is smart to steer clear.

I’ll be chatting about Rihanna and Barnes tonight on TalkSport radio (UK) at 9:30 pm EST. Listen live here: www.TalkSport.com

lisasig

(c) Copyright 2001-2015 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

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Lisa-Daily-Advice-For-DatingWARNING: People May Be Larger Than They Appear
By Lisa Daily

We’ve all heard the saying you can’t judge a book by its cover, but when it comes to dating, we’re all prone to snap judgments, right? He wears socks with sandals, or drips nacho cheese on his Mickey Mouse tie all night? He’s a loser. She shows you a photo of her girlfriend Maggie’s new baby, her girlfriend Heather’s new baby, her girlfriend Marissa’s new baby? Clearly a bridal-pathic husband-hunter just looking to get her claws in some poor sap and drag him down the aisle.

My girlfriend Tina can weed through thirty dating profiles in about a minute and a half, and filter out the guys she’d never go out with from the guys she’d definitely go out with. She’s the Tomahawk Missile of daters. And she’s not alone.

Studies show we actually make a decision about whether or not we want to date someone within the first few minutes of meeting them.

And if “meeting them” is via an online dating profile, we likely spend even less time making a yay or nay decision.

Dr. Patricia Farrell, author of How to Be Your Own Therapist (McGraw-Hill) says, “there is something called “thin slicing” where you make very quick judgments about people from small bits of behavior and information you glean within the first 15 minutes or so with them. Some research studies have shown that these judgments can be 80% accurate, so making snap judgments isn’t always a bad thing. Listen to your gut and make decisions based on past experience.”

But sometimes, when we form our opinions of people too quickly, we may be missing out on someone great. Example? I recently received a letter from a Lavalife member who was a single guy, living with mom and dad, and having a hard time snagging a date. Uh, yeah.

Perception: He’s a thirty-something leech. Dad’s still paying the bills, Mom’s still doing his laundry, and on alternate Friday nights he gets to borrow the family station wagon.

Gee, I thought to myself after reading his first sentence, how do I tell this guy that until he moves out of the basement, he’s dooming himself to a social life comprised of microwave linguine and the streaming + DVD plan on Netflix?

Then, I read the rest of his letter.

Reality: He’s a successful guy, making $140K a year who owns his own business (and his parents’ home) and is living there to care for them because they suffer from health issues.

Screech. This guy just went from un-dateable loser to the best prospect on the planet in a single paragraph.

And yet, he’s still not getting any dates.

Tina Tessina, psychotherapist and author of It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page ) explains it this way, “We live in a very media saturated culture, where we are influenced to focus on surface things and not look beneath. But in a long-term, loving relationship, looks very quickly cease to matter, and character is what counts. We are all in a rush to do everything, today, it seems. The speed of technology and communication gets reflected in our desire to speed up the dating/mating process, but rushing into a relationship means rushing out of it very soon. Partnership needs infrastructure, or it won’t last.”

The truth is, while we might be able to rely on our first impressions in person, they’re hardly accurate when we’re browsing profiles. Think about it. About 70% of all communication is non-verbal. When you meet someone for the first time, you’re not just making a judgment based on what they say, but how they carry themselves, what they wear, how they smell, and how their chemistry reacts with yours. With a mere dating profile, you miss nearly all of that. So you base your judgments on things that feel important, but in the long run, might not really matter. Like how tall someone is, what they do for a living, and er, whether or not they still bunk at Mom and Dad’s.

A friend of mine met her future husband in a bar. He sat nursing a beer, in his fashion-backward plaid shirt, and smiled at her all night. She, however, was quite busy making googley-eyes at some other guy who, coincidentally, turned out to be married. At the end of the night (after discovering her first choice was not an option) she declared, “I think I’ll give plaid guy a chance.” She talked to him, they started dating, fell madly in love and have been happily ever after ever since.

Her initial impression? Hard-working (good), reasonably handsome (could be better) police officer (too dangerous) with no handyman skills whatsoever (the horror!) seeks long-term relationship. The real guy? Hardworking (good) goofy to her serious (fantastic), easygoing, sweet as pie, and worships the ground she walks on but doesn’t take any of her crap. In other words, the exact, perfect guy for her.

The lesson here? Sometimes there’s a prince lurking beneath that frog-skin jacket. Try not to eliminate someone solely based on your snap reaction of their one-dimensional dating profile. If you dig just a little deeper, you might find exactly what you’ve been looking for in a most unexpected place.

Give plaid guy a chance.

xo,
lisasig

(c) Copyright 2001-2015 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

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Yep, this one’s for you :-) LisaDaily

Should You Google Your Dates?
By Lisa Daily

It’s a truly modern love story:

Boy meets girl online.
Boy ogles girl. Girl Googles boy.
Girl passes visual check, boy passes criminal check.
They meet, they date, they fall madly in love.

Then, after a satisfactory waiting period, his-and-her D&Bs, and an ironclad pre-nup, boy and girl live happily every after.

Ask any online dater if they “Google” their online matches, and the answer is frequently yes. (Or, “Why, what have you heard?”) Thanks to the magic of Google, you can learn that your date-to-be was winner of the National Peanut Brittle Eating Competition, was recently married in lovely ceremony at the Kiwanis Club, or is currently serving 5-10 for impersonating a real estate agent.

John Seely, author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life, says, “Google your prospective dates. It’s good to know what you can before you even meet them. It may offer some topics of conversation, like “I understand that you have a Pulitzer Prize, or I read that you’ve been in prison.” Either way it will make interesting conversation, and open up some real dialog. It really is important to know who you’re dating, not just for safety’s sake, but for knowing who this potential partner is.”

To some daters, Googling your date feels like a natural extension to online dating. After all, the technology is there, why not use it? To others, Googling seems like an invasion of the privacy of a stranger. It’s like being left alone in a guy’s apartment for the first time: Do you sit on the couch, innocently flipping through the pages of Bon Appétit and awaiting his return? Or do you use the 13.6 minutes he’ll be gone for a pizza run to rummage through the shoebox on the high shelf in his closet, check his nightstand drawers for evidence he’s sleeping around, or hunt for photos of your predecessor?

As one online dater put it, “No!!!! Don’t Google dates! — I was dating a divorced guy I met online and when I Googled him, I found an interview with his ex-wife. I had her pictures staring at me, found out their wedding dates, details of their honeymoon etc. I felt like I had just committed a major invasion of privacy. How was I supposed to react when it got to the point that this man was going to confide in me those details?”

And for that matter, how would you feel if you found out someone you’d only flirted with briefly over text or email spent time online getting to know you without actually getting to know you first?

But other daters feel it’s a matter of safety. One dating single mother of two met a man online who turned out to be a con artist. He forged checks, cleaned out her bank account and eventually forced her home into foreclosure. She warns, “Is it okay to check out dates? I say it is critical!!”

The truth is, there is a lot of information available. And, there’s a fine line between keeping yourself safe (good), satisfying your curiosity (not entirely terrible, within reason) and invading someone’s privacy. (Cue “stalker” soundtrack.)

And, while I’m not in favor of snooping through someone’s underwear drawer while they run down to pick up a bottle of wine, I do think Googling is a pretty good idea. After all, any information you find on Google is probably a matter of public record anyway. It’s not as though you’re breaking into the FBI mainframe to view secret files. Where Googling can help is to bring up any red flags: Maybe your new guy has been blogging a turkey baster manifesto. Maybe that hottie has collection of scary mug shots online. Or a promising woman who says she’s a partner at a big downtown law firm, but her name doesn’t come up on the firm website — Maybe it’s because she’s new, maybe it’s because she works in the mailroom.

Either way, it’s smarter to look for love with your heart and your eyes wide open.

lisasig

(c) Copyright 2001-2015 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

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Lisa Daily Daytime Show
Snuggle all night or separate beds? This week on Daytime I’m talking about what your sleeping habits say about your relationship. Turns out, a recent study from Ryerson University in Toronto found that 30 – 40% of couples don’t sleep in the same bed, which is what we’ll be talking about this week on the Daytime show.

Is sleeping separately a sign of relationship doom?
Oddly enough, the answer is no. Some couples just need their own space. Maybe your partner snores or has medical issues, or tosses and turns all night. Lots of couples sleep separately, and it doesn’t mean that their relationship is doomed. That said, if you went from snuggling all night to separate sides of the bed to separate bedrooms, you may be experiencing some trouble in your relationship. And a dramatic change in sleep or sex habits can spell infidelity.

Does the housing trend of dual master suites mean more couples want to sleep alone?
Some do, sure. But many of these home buyers want dual master suites for other reasons. Maybe they have an older parent who’s living with them, or maybe an adult child has moved home after facing a difficult job market. Also, when couples have young kids, sometimes the kids end up in mom and dad’s bed and there just isn’t enough room for everybody to sleep comfortably. Some partners snore. Some partners need the room warm and toasty while others want the air on full blast.

Benefits and downsides to sleeping together.
Here’s the good news: Of partners who slept less than 1 inch apart, 86% reported being happy, according to a study conducted at the University of Hertforshire. But only 66% of respondents in the same study reported being happy in their relationship when regularly sleeping 30 or more inches away from their partner. Snuggling and sleeping together have some serious upsides: First, sleeping together lowers your cortisol level — that’s the stress hormone released in your body when you’re under stress. Snuggling also boosts your oxytocin levels. Scientists refer to oxytocin as the “cuddle hormone.” It bonds mothers to their babies and couples to each other, and plays a big part in why we feel so close to someone when we cuddle with them. Now for the downside of sleeping in the same bed. Studies have shown that couples who sleep together continually wake each other up all night –so they never really get the benefits of deep sleep. If your partner’s snoring, tossing, or sleep habits keep you sleep deprived on a regular basis, you can suffer everything from obesity to depression. Not to mention chronic crankiness.

What should you do if you want to sleep in the same bed but your partner is driving you crazy?
If you’re desperate to avoid the I Love Lucy two-bed solution there are a few fixes you can try before you take your pillow and head for the couch.
1) Try a bed that minimizes movement (remember the guy jumping on the Tempurpedic without disturbing the wine glass?)
2) Have snuggle or sex time together, and then sleep separately.
3) Don’t exercise or use electronics at least an hour before bed.
4) Solve temperature issues with a heating pad or electric blanket.
5) If snoring solutions don’t work (try the strips, the pillow, and asking your partner to sleep on his/her side) you can always invest in ear plugs.

lisasig

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Is He Cheating by Lisa Daily

TAMPA, May 9, 2014 – If you want to know if he loves you so, it’s not his kiss you should be worried about — it’s his car, his job, his love of horror movies, and whether he talks or snores immediately after sex.

These and other strange indicators of infidelity are found in “Is He Cheating? : Crack the Cheat Code and Find out Right Now if He is Cheating or Not, Why He Cheats, and What You Need to Do Next,” the latest book from relationships expert Lisa Daily, bestselling author of Stop Getting Dumped!, and the resident love guru on DAYTIME, a nationally-syndicated morning TV show.

An Indiana University study found that infidelity has been on the rise in recent years.

Why do men cheat? Daily said she was inspired to write the book after receiving thousands of letters from women all over the world, “The scenarios are different, but the fear and worry and heartbreak are always the same. After a while, I started noticing that there were very specific patterns in the behavior of the men who were cheating. Once I began researching infidelity behavior in-depth, I realized there was a definite and predictable pattern to men’s affairs — everything from what they told their wives and girlfriends to where they stashed the evidence. This “cheat code” of utterly predictable cheating behavior became the basis of “Is He Cheating?.”

In “Is He Cheating?” Daily answers readers’ most common and “Am I crazy or does this mean something?” questions including identifying men most likely to cheat (men who have a specific “cheater” gene, men who love horror movies, aggressive drivers, men who fall asleep immediately after sex, and doctors and lawyers), and what she calls “doomsday” evidence: “The pre-paid cell phone or secret SIM card.”

Daily’s book also covers topics like the best places and equipment to snoop for clues, tips on protecting your relationship from an affair, the biggest mistakes women make when confronting a man if they think he is cheating, and the cheating red zone most men are knee-deep in every day.

“Infidelity affects women profoundly — the fear, stress, and worry that their partner is cheating spreads like a cancer to every other area of their lives, affecting their jobs, their friendships, their self-esteem, and their children. Until women find out the truth, their lives just continue to unravel,” said Daily.

“Once you find the first piece of proof, his entire story starts to fall apart,” Daily said. “And that’s the first step to getting the resolution you need.”

About Is He Cheating:

“Is He Cheating? : Crack the Cheat Code and Find out Right Now if He is Cheating or Not, Why He Cheats, and What You Need to Do Next,” answers the question, “why do men cheat?” and tells readers who they should keep an eye on, the warning signs of infidelity, and where to search for evidence if they think their significant other is having an affair.

WFLA Senior Producer Marci Wise said, “Lisa Daily has a knack for putting the ‘pop’ back into pop culture.”

Lisa-DailyAbout Lisa Daily:

Lisa Daily can tell you why he didn’t call, the color you should never wear on a first date, and where to snoop for evidence if you think your guy has been fooling around. Daily is the Dating and Relationships Editor on DAYTIME, a nationally-syndicated morning TV show, and the bestselling author of “Stop Getting Dumped!,” “How to Date Like a Grown-Up” and “Is He Cheating.”

A frequent source for media, Lisa has been quoted everywhere from the New York Times, Washington Post and Chicago Tribune to Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Men’s Health and US Weekly Magazine, and seen everywhere from This Morning, E!, and MTV Live to Daytime and Entertainment Tonight.

(c) Copyright 2001-2015 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

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I actually really like this book. I hadn’t read it in about a million years, but I picked it up the other day and it was just what I needed — fast paced, funny, brain candy. The characters are vivid and amusing, and aspiring writers and published authors will love the behind the scenes look at the publishing industry. Yes, the book is a little dated (ahem, sky high advances) But lines like “The only good author is a dead author” and other quotes from 90′s publishing icons feel dead-on authentic (especially if you’re a mid-lister.) Goldsmith busts through the fantasy of publishing, and weaves a story about hopes, dreams, and life in print. What I hated: Two different characters describe the same manuscript as an “abortion” in their inner monologues. This is a unique and vivid description — it’s pretty unlikely that two different characters would use the very same word unless one of them was a psychic. What I liked: the perfect sort of book to read with sand between your toes.

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Lisa-Daily-Advice-For-DatingDear Lisa,

My ex partner and I worked together for several years.  When I say worked together, I mean that in the kindest sense I can muster  — I did the overwhelming majority of the work, and he took all the credit. And then lied repeatedly to our mutual colleagues — many of whom reported back to me — claiming he had actually done all the work himself and I had done no work/poor work. We work in a fairly small creative industry.  Should I expose him?  Should I sue?  I have a very good reputation in my industry, and a long career ahead of me.  He, on the other hand, is an older gentleman, and probably doesn’t have much time left before retirement. Should I defend myself and take him down, or let him self-destruct on his own?

Hacked

Dear Hacked,

Let him self-destruct on his own.  There are few things sadder or more pitiful than a man who is creatively impotent. He’s long past his prime, and has realized that not only is his best work behind him, but that his best wasn’t really that good in the first place.  So he’s clawing and scratching and lying and manipulating and trying to claim your work as his own, but all the while he has to live with the heartbreaking knowledge that he’s just not good enough to be great — and he never will be.

He’s a hack.  He’s over.

It’s always interesting to see what people do under duress — some rise to the occasion (what you’re going to do) and some devolve to the worst traits of humanity — stealing, lying, evil. Who knows why?  Perhaps he is mentally ill.  Maybe he’s desperately insecure.  Maybe he had an unstable home life with a mother who didn’t love him, or grew up in a prison or a mental institution. Maybe he’s finally realized that women are only sleeping with him for his money, that he has nothing else to offer.  Maybe he’s humiliated that he can’t manage to get it up anymore.  Maybe he’s just old and untalented and he has a deep hole in his soul — a pathological need for adulation or praise and he’s willing to do anything (including lying or manipulating) to get it. Like a meth addict who steals from his relatives to feed his habit.

Feel sorry for him.  He’s terrified of being irrelevant. And he should be. This does not excuse or condone his behavior at all.  But someone who is as desperate and empty and insecure as this man seems to be will self-destruct in vivid misery — and it will be sooner, rather than later.

When I worked in advertising, there was a saying that great advertising couldn’t save a bad product, it would only expose it as crap a whole lot faster. Your letter says you work in a small industry, you have a good reputation, and you have many productive years ahead of you.  Your professional reputation will be just fine, for those very reasons.  He, on the other hand, will not fare as well. There’s no need for you to shine a spotlight on his inadequacies and gaping deficits — he’ll do that all by himself, quickly exposing himself to the people in your industry as the talentless fraud that he is.

xo,

Is He Cheating by Lisa Daily

 

Insecure men, and men with erection issues (seems counter-intuitive, but it’s true), are also much more likely to cheat. More here: Is He Cheating?

 

Ask Lisa! My Ex is a Lying Hack by Lisa Daily. (c) Copyright 2001-2013 *Some letters have been edited for clarity.

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Lisa Daily Daytime ShowIS MARRIAGE ON ITS WAY OUT? This week on Daytime I’m talking about a brand new report from the National Center for Health Statistics found that not only are unmarried couples living together more common, they’re having children and staying together even longer than before.  Our relationships coach Lisa Daily is here to talk about the future of marriage and why living together is fast becoming the new normal.

What’s the percentage of women who live with a male partner as a “first union”

A whopping 48%, according to the report.  Shacking up is officially mainstream.

How many couples who live together first eventually get married versus breaking up?

Within three years of living together, 40% of women later married their partner,  32% continued to live together, and 27% had broken up.  Here’s one big reason to make sure you’re extra careful in the contraception department: 19% of women got pregnant and/or gave birth in the first year of living with someone. Yep.

Why are couples less likely to get married if they live together first? This is actually a false assumption.  After all, if you live with someone before you marry them, and you find out the person is a raging lunatic, or an alcoholic, or is just not a good fit — is a more successful outcome that you live together and break-up?  Or that you get married and then get divorced.  Marriage is not the only available happy ending, and it’s far better to make a small relationship mistake than a big one.

Are certain demographic groups more likely to choose living together over marriage?

Only 23% of first unions were marriages, a decrease from 30% in 2002 and 39% in 1995. For all races and ethnic groups (except Asian women), the number of ladies who cohabited as a “first union” increased. Hispanic women led the live-in charge, up 57%.   White women were up 43%.  African-American women up 39%.

What effect does this have on couples and children in the long haul?

Financially speaking, there is still an advantage to being married.  (Which is yet another reason why it should be available to all.)  Over the course of a lifetime, all those 1100 tax breaks add up.  The most important thing for kids is a sense of security in their families, which a marriage license (or lack of one) does not guarantee.

xo,

 

Is He Cheating by Lisa DailyDo you need this book or not?  One of the biggest reasons for breakups in serious relationship is cheating — and there’s a significantly higher risk for those who are living together, which is why every woman needs to know the signs. Forewarned is forearmed, ladies:  Is He Cheating?

 

(c) Copyright 2001-2013 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

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Skjønnheten-kommer-innenfra-Lisa-Daily-Beauty

It’s called “Skjønnheten kommer innenfra” — catchy, right? There’s more here:

One interesting thing about this title is that in the US, BEAUTY is one book, but in Finland (Norway, Sweden, and a handful of others) they’ve split in into two books, like this:

skjønnheten-kommer-innenfra-Lisa-Daily-BEAUTY Skjønnheten-kommer-innenfra-BEAUTY-Lisa-Daily

xo,

 

 

 

 

My young adult novel, BEAUTY, is published in Finland! by Lisa Daily (c) Copyright 2012 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved.

Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

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