Review: The Bestseller

March 22, 2014

a href=”http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/951242″ style=”float: left; padding-right: 20px”img src=”http://d202m5krfqbpi5.cloudfront.net/books/1179751420m/951242.jpg” border=”0″ alt=”The Bestseller” //a
a href=”http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/951242″The Bestseller/a by a href=”http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/93012″Olivia Goldsmith/abr/
My rating: a href=”http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/888462891″4 of 5 stars/a
br /br /
I actually really like this book. I hadn’t read it in about a million years, but I picked it up the other day and it was just what I needed — fast paced, funny, brain candy. The characters are vivid and amusing, and aspiring writers and published authors will love the behind the scenes look at the publishing industry. Yes, the book is a little dated (ahem, sky high advances) But lines like “The only good author is a dead author” and other quotes from 90′s publishing icons feel dead-on authentic (especially if you’re a mid-lister.) Goldsmith busts through the fantasy of publishing, and weaves a story about hopes, dreams, and life in print. What I hated: Two different characters describe the same manuscript as an “abortion” in their inner monologues. This is a unique and vivid description — it’s pretty unlikely that two different characters would use the very same word unless one of them was a psychic. What I liked: the perfect sort of book to read with sand between your toes.
br/br/
a href=”http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/888462891″View all my reviews/a

{ 0 comments }

Lisa-Daily-Advice-For-DatingDear Lisa,

My ex partner and I worked together for several years.  When I say worked together, I mean that in the kindest sense I can muster  — I did the overwhelming majority of the work, and he took all the credit. And then lied repeatedly to our mutual colleagues — many of whom reported back to me — claiming he had actually done all the work himself and I had done no work/poor work. We work in a fairly small creative industry.  Should I expose him?  Should I sue?  I have a very good reputation in my industry, and a long career ahead of me.  He, on the other hand, is an older gentleman, and probably doesn’t have much time left before retirement. Should I defend myself and take him down, or let him self-destruct on his own?

Hacked

Dear Hacked,

Let him self-destruct on his own.  There are few things sadder or more pitiful than a man who is creatively impotent. He’s long past his prime, and has realized that not only is his best work behind him, but that his best wasn’t really that good in the first place.  So he’s clawing and scratching and lying and manipulating and trying to claim your work as his own, but all the while he has to live with the heartbreaking knowledge that he’s just not good enough to be great — and he never will be.

He’s a hack.  He’s over.

It’s always interesting to see what people do under duress — some rise to the occasion (what you’re going to do) and some devolve to the worst traits of humanity — stealing, lying, evil. Who knows why?  Perhaps he is mentally ill.  Maybe he’s desperately insecure.  Maybe he had an unstable home life with a mother who didn’t love him, or grew up in a prison or a mental institution. Maybe he’s finally realized that women are only sleeping with him for his money, that he has nothing else to offer.  Maybe he’s humiliated that he can’t manage to get it up anymore.  Maybe he’s just old and untalented and he has a deep hole in his soul — a pathological need for adulation or praise and he’s willing to do anything (including lying or manipulating) to get it. Like a meth addict who steals from his relatives to feed his habit.

Feel sorry for him.  He’s terrified of being irrelevant. And he should be. This does not excuse or condone his behavior at all.  But someone who is as desperate and empty and insecure as this man seems to be will self-destruct in vivid misery — and it will be sooner, rather than later.

When I worked in advertising, there was a saying that great advertising couldn’t save a bad product, it would only expose it as crap a whole lot faster. Your letter says you work in a small industry, you have a good reputation, and you have many productive years ahead of you.  Your professional reputation will be just fine, for those very reasons.  He, on the other hand, will not fare as well. There’s no need for you to shine a spotlight on his inadequacies and gaping deficits — he’ll do that all by himself, quickly exposing himself to the people in your industry as the talentless fraud that he is.

xo,

Is He Cheating by Lisa Daily

 

Insecure men, and men with erection issues (seems counter-intuitive, but it’s true), are also much more likely to cheat. More here: Is He Cheating?

 

Ask Lisa! My Ex is a Lying Hack by Lisa Daily. (c) Copyright 2001-2013 *Some letters have been edited for clarity.

{ 0 comments }

Lisa Daily Daytime ShowIS MARRIAGE ON ITS WAY OUT? This week on Daytime I’m talking about a brand new report from the National Center for Health Statistics found that not only are unmarried couples living together more common, they’re having children and staying together even longer than before.  Our relationships coach Lisa Daily is here to talk about the future of marriage and why living together is fast becoming the new normal.

What’s the percentage of women who live with a male partner as a “first union”

A whopping 48%, according to the report.  Shacking up is officially mainstream.

How many couples who live together first eventually get married versus breaking up?

Within three years of living together, 40% of women later married their partner,  32% continued to live together, and 27% had broken up.  Here’s one big reason to make sure you’re extra careful in the contraception department: 19% of women got pregnant and/or gave birth in the first year of living with someone. Yep.

Why are couples less likely to get married if they live together first? This is actually a false assumption.  After all, if you live with someone before you marry them, and you find out the person is a raging lunatic, or an alcoholic, or is just not a good fit — is a more successful outcome that you live together and break-up?  Or that you get married and then get divorced.  Marriage is not the only available happy ending, and it’s far better to make a small relationship mistake than a big one.

Are certain demographic groups more likely to choose living together over marriage?

Only 23% of first unions were marriages, a decrease from 30% in 2002 and 39% in 1995. For all races and ethnic groups (except Asian women), the number of ladies who cohabited as a “first union” increased. Hispanic women led the live-in charge, up 57%.   White women were up 43%.  African-American women up 39%.

What effect does this have on couples and children in the long haul?

Financially speaking, there is still an advantage to being married.  (Which is yet another reason why it should be available to all.)  Over the course of a lifetime, all those 1100 tax breaks add up.  The most important thing for kids is a sense of security in their families, which a marriage license (or lack of one) does not guarantee.

xo,

 

Is He Cheating by Lisa DailyDo you need this book or not?  One of the biggest reasons for breakups in serious relationship is cheating — and there’s a significantly higher risk for those who are living together, which is why every woman needs to know the signs. Forewarned is forearmed, ladies:  Is He Cheating?

 

(c) Copyright 2001-2013 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

{ 0 comments }

Skjønnheten-kommer-innenfra-Lisa-Daily-Beauty

It’s called “Skjønnheten kommer innenfra” — catchy, right? There’s more here:

One interesting thing about this title is that in the US, BEAUTY is one book, but in Finland (Norway, Sweden, and a handful of others) they’ve split in into two books, like this:

skjønnheten-kommer-innenfra-Lisa-Daily-BEAUTY Skjønnheten-kommer-innenfra-BEAUTY-Lisa-Daily

xo,

 

 

 

 

My young adult novel, BEAUTY, is published in Finland! by Lisa Daily (c) Copyright 2012 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved.

Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

{ 0 comments }

Mad Men Don Draper Lisa Daily

I am so, so, so excited about the Season 6 premiere of Mad Men. I know, I’m a big dork. I can live with that. In fact, I’m going to celebrate by whipping up some Old Fashioneds. If you’re a fan of Mad Men also, you might want to check out this fun piece I did last year called What Your Mad Men Obsession Says About Your Personality

Enjoy!

Is He Cheating by Lisa DailyI’m thinking Megan might be needing this book for Season 6: Is He Cheating?

xo,

 

(c) Copyright 2001-2013 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

{ 1 comment }

Lisa Daily Daytime Show
Guess what? Researchers can now predict your IQ, sexual orientation, politics and even your emotional stability based on what you happen to “like” on Facebook, thanks to a new study at Cambridge University.

According to a piece on Memburn, “The researchers developed a model that could predict if a man was homosexual 88% of the time, and 75% of the time for women; ethnic origin (95%), gender (93%), religion (82%), political affiliation (85%), if they use addictive substances (75%), and relationship status (67%).”

Do you have a high IQ? You probably “like” The Colbert Report, The Daily Show (who doesn’t?), Science, Curly Fries (again, who doesn’t), To Kill a Mockingbird, Thunderstorms, Mozart, Lord of the Rings, and wait for it…Morgan Freeman’s voice.

Low IQ? You’re more likely to “like” Tyler Perry, Sephora, Jason Aldean, Chiq, Bret Michaels, Clark Griswold, Bebe, I Love Being A Mom, Lady Antebellum, and Harley Davidson.

Extroverts like Beerpong, Dancing, Socializing, Michael Jordan, Chris Tucker, I Feel Better Tan, and Modeling.

And introverts tend to “like” RPGs, Fanfiction.Net, Programming, Anime,
Manga, Video Games, Role Playing Games, Minecraft, Voltaire, and Terry Pratchet

Calm, emotionally stable people tend to “like” Physics (because what’s more stable than that?), Engineering, 48 Laws of Power, Business Administration, Getting Money, Parkour, Track & Field, Mountain Biking, Soccer, Climbing, and oddly enough, Skydiving

This one is helpful if you’re beginning to suspect your online date might be older than he claims. Old people “like” Cup Of Joe For A Joe, Coffee Party Movement, Dr Mehmet Oz,Fixit And Forgetit, The Closer, Joyce Meyer Ministries, Proud To Be A Mom, Freedomworks, Small Business Saturday, and Fly The American Flag

Politics are pretty obvious. Republicans “like” a bunch of other prominent republicans, Democrats “like” a bunch of other democrats. It’s safe to say that if someone likes Nancy Pelosi and Anthony Weiner, they’re probably not going to identify as a republican. Not nearly as enlightening as that study that found what you watched on TV was a good predictor of your politics.

You can find the whole list of “likes” and personality traits here:
FacebookLikesPersonalityTraits

xo,

Daytime airs in 120 markets nationwide. Check your local TV listings.

{ 3 comments }

 Chris Brown and Rihanna Call it Quits Again by Lisa Daily

Chris Brown announced that he and Rihanna had broken up in interview with LA radio station Power 106 FM set to air Monday morning. He also expressed regret for his 2009 assault of Rihanna in an interview last week with Ryan Seacrest on KIIS-FM

Chris Brown never did any jail time for the Rihanna assault.

That makes me LIVID.

He assaulted her, she was beaten to a pulp, and she identified Chris Brown to police that night. It was the assault seen ’round the world as media outlets across the globe broadcast images of a beaten and bloody Rihanna.

But Rihanna, like many victims of domestic violence, refused to cooperate with police after the initial attack. Chris Brown pled guilty, and received no jail time. Many dating violence victims feel responsible, as though it were they, and not the abusers themselves, whose actions could put the person they love in jail. Abusers often use this type of misplaced guilt to their own advantage.

And then they got back together. Rihanna had an opportunity to be a leader to her legions of fans, assist the prosecution, and shine a light on how stand up to domestic violence — a crime that impacts so many of her fans.  In fact, 43% of college women report being victims of dating violence.  But she didn’t.  Or maybe she just couldn’t.

The judge in the case too, had an opportunity to send a message to the planet that dating violence is not okay, that you will be punished if you beat up your girlfriend. Instead, the judge ordered a mere slap on the wrist. Five years probation, a temporary 50-foot restraining order, 6 months of community service and a 2-week domestic violence course.

Chris Brown, according to court documents, punched Rihanna repeatedly in the face, bit her, tried to throw her out of a car, and threatened to kill her. The judge, Patricia Schnegg, stated,”I want Mr Brown to be treated the same as any other defendant who would come into this court. That means something like graffiti removal and a two-week domestic violence program.”

Graffiti removal and a two-week program. Let’s hope it’s one hell of a program, because it sure wasn’t much of a punishment. Give me a break. That’s all there is for beating up someone half your size and threatening their life? Two weeks? I’ll bet it took longer than that for her bruises to heal.

Chris Brown, for his part, has lately expressed some remorse.  But much of what he says on the matter is about how willing Rihanna has been to forgive him. Is this what we really want to communicate to young men and women?

Chris Brown, Rihanna, and Judge Schnegg sent a message loud and clear –dating violence is no big deal.
Except that it is. It’s a very big deal.

Rihanna should make it a priority to only date men who are respectful and kind to her, who don’t degrade, demean, or assault her.  Chris Brown, should realize he got off easy, and use that second chance to wield his influence instead of his fists — and send the message loud and clear through his actions, his music, and his public appearances than hitting your partner is flat out wrong.

Finally, if you are assaulted, please call the police on the day that it happens. Take photos of any bruising, cuts, or property damage. File a restraining order that day, assist law enforcement in any way you can. And then, end the relationship. Because you are worth more than to be with someone who disrespects you, calls you names, or tries to hurt you. That’s not love. It’s abuse.

You. Deserve. Better.

xo,

Is He Cheating by Lisa Daily

 

Chris Brown’s assault on Rihanna allegedly began when she found a text on his phone from another woman. Dating violence, anger issues, and cheating, are all related to a lack of impulse control. If this sounds familiar, you might want to read this: Is He Cheating?

 

(c) Copyright 2001-2013 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

{ 0 comments }

Lisa Daily Advice For DatingHow Many Americans have had an Affair at Work? by Lisa Daily

47% of people who took a recent Salary.com survey confesses to engaging in an office romance at some time in their careers. (And just so you know, you’re only fooling yourself if you think that your workplace romance is actually secret.) About half (44%) of workers said they were aware of an affair happening in their own office right now.

One more interesting factoid from this survey: 6% of married men and women are trolling the board room and the coffee room, actively hoping to hook up with a coworker. Which seems low, because about 70% of affairs happen at work. (If you suspect your husband or partner of infidelity, the first place you should check out is his office.)

Finally, 4% of the survey respondents said they had either been compelled to resign or were flat-out fired specifically because of an office affair gone bad.

That’s right, screwing at the office could end up seriously screwing your career.

Is He Cheating by Lisa DailyIf you’re worried about what your husband or boyfriend might be doing at work, this could help: Is He Cheating?

xo,

 

(c) Copyright 2001-2013 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Catch my act on Google

{ 1 comment }

According to a slew of gossip sites, Real Housewife Porsha Williams Stewart found out that her husband had filed for divorce on the Internet.
Her soon-to-be ex-husband, former NFL football player Kordell Stewart filed on March 22. The Internet got wind of it four days later, March 26. Which is how Porsha reportedly learned that her husband had decided to leave her.

I am not a Housewives fan, so I have not had a front row seat to the steady decomposition of their relationship, which was surely hastened by the fermenting glare of the spotlight.

I am, however, a love and relationships expert. And when I look at this story three things jump out at me:

First, a surprise attack divorce smacks of serious control issues and a desire to inflict the greatest amount of humiliation and pain on the recipient. Not cool.

Second, men rarely (very rarely, almost never) leave a marriage unless they have someplace else to go. If I were Porsha or her divorce attorney, I’d be combing through the financial records right this minute looking for infidelity. Especially since football players are more likely to cheat than the general population. Repeated slams to the head can damage the front lobe of the brain and cause nasty problems with things like impulse control. (Which can lead to behaviors like cheating, and you know, filing for divorce on a whim.)

And third, I’d hire this guy. John Mayoue, who is best known for repping Jane Fonda, Chris Rock, David Justice and Marianne Gingrich, is one of the top divorce attorneys in the country, and he just happens to have a lovely office in Atlanta. Porsha, if you’re reading this, call him.

Then, kick the camera crew out for the next few weeks and get your closest (non-Housewife) girlfriends and family around you for support. Hold your head up, and you will make it through.

Is He Cheating by Lisa DailyPorsha, Mr. Mayoue, this might help: Is He Cheating?

xo,

 

(c) Copyright 2001-2013 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, darling, would you please? Thanks!

{ 0 comments }

Lisa Daily Daytime Show
A couple of weeks ago on the Daytime show I talked about the growing popularity of online weddings, otherwise known as “proxy marriages.”

Married on the Internet:
Skype isn’t just for job interviews, connecting with friends, or chatting with grandma anymore. According to the New York Times, officials are seeing an explosion in Internet marriages — where one partner is in one country, another partner in another country, and they get hitched with the help of a judge or minister and a high-speed connection.

Are Internet marriages even legal?
These marriages are called proxy marriages, where another person stands in for the bride or groom, acting as their “proxy”. Only a handful of US states permit proxy marriages, and most require that one partner is in the military. Texas, Colorado and California all allow what is termed a “proxy marriage” where one partner is absent and a “proxy” stands in for them. Montana allows “double proxy” marriages, where neither party must be present, such as in the case of an American couple who wants to be married in a remote or foreign country where local laws would make it impossible or cost-prohibitive to do so. It’s too bad they’re not so keen on same sex marriage (yet), the state could make a fortune in easy-peasy tax revenues by allowing gay couples from all over the country (or the world for that matter) marry by proxy in Montana in the comfort of their own states, churches, or homes.

Many Islamic countries do allow proxy marriages, and El Salvador has flexible laws allowing it. The practice of proxy marriage is not new to the Internet Age, in fact Louis XVI and Marie Antoinette were married by proxy in her native country of Austria before the two ever met. She was a princess after all, and there was no way the Queen was going to let her go off and tramp it up in France.

Why would a couple get married on the Internet instead of the usual way?
To solve immigration issues more quickly, to marry someone from home country and save money versus cost of matchmaking trip, to escape poverty or persecution, or to circumvent local laws — such as those preventing a person from marrying another of a different religion, also to get married when you are unable to travel to another country for some reason.


What are the benefits of an online marriage?

It’s becoming more popular with Skype & Google Hangouts, and there’s been a 12-15% increase per year, according to ProxyMarriageNow.com a site that arranges proxy marriages in a variety of states.
One benefit is that military members can marry even if they are stationed overseas — which can be especially important if they’ve been wounded and feel compelled to get all their affairs in order right away.

What’s the downside?
Many online brides and grooms have only communicated online, so there are chemistry and expectation issues when they get together. Which can be problematic, as people tend to lie like politicians when dating online.
Because sometimes proxy weddings are used to circumvent immigration laws — these types of marriages are a red flag for Homeland Security. That said, proxy marriages have been used for many years before the Internet came along for all types of nefarious purposes, like arranged marriages and human trafficking. In some countries the women have not even consented to being married. (As in, surprise, you’re married to a complete stranger because one of your relatives sold you for $7.)

For more on online relationships, check out my new(ish) book, IS HE CHEATING??
xo,

{ 0 comments }