In a revealing study of relationships where partners love themselves first, last, and always, Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble help readers determine whether their partner is over the line and has narcissistic personality disorder. The book draws on the authors' research and interviews with a variety of men and women who've been narcissized. Featuring compelling stories and scenarios, Narcissistic Lovers helps victims understand the pain brought on by their abusers, shows why these self-loathers can't change, and offer hope for healing from their "N-fliction."
- Paperback: 224 pages
- Publisher: New Horizon Press (March 30, 2007)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0882822837
- ISBN-13: 978-0882822839
- Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.5 x 8.3 inches
- Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
Regain your sanity: RUN LIKE HELL
Does he fly into a rage when you ask him simple questions?
Does he treat you badly and then disappear for days, only to reappear and act like nothing happened?
Does he (or she) say unbelievably hurtful things to you for no reason and when you tell him so, he says “you’re overreacting” or “you’re too emotional”?
Does he only keep his word when it applies to something he wants to do?
Do you feel confused, chaotic, and drained from being with him?
Chances are your man (or woman) is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), a bona fide psychiatric disorder characterized in the American Psychiatric Association’s bible, the DSM-IV. But don’t take my word for it. Read Narcissistic Lovers by Cynthia Zayn and Kevin Dibble and see for yourself how your man compares to the many characteristics and examples in the book.
Narcissistic Lovers saved me from months of recovery after I was drained and discarded by an NPD after a 6-month involvement. I would say 6-month “relationship”, but Zayn makes it very clear that one does not have a “relationship” with an NPD; it isn’t possible. Ironically, the NPD even told me once that he wasn’t trying to have a relationship with anybody (meaning me at the time). Of course, neither of us realized at the time that he was incapable of having a relationship with anyone anyway.
I read half a dozen self-help books on relationships before I finally came across Narcissistic Lovers. On every page I read the uncanny accuracy with which this book described my ex-boyfriend–the things he did and said, his habits and behaviors. It was as though the authors had eavesdropped on us. In Narcissistic Lovers, I found the truth and it set me free indeed.
It amazes me to see that even in the psychopathy of personality disorders, human beings are still creatures of habit. As nuts as the narcissist’s behavior is, it is consistent from one narcissist to the next, whether the narcissist is male or female, regardless of economic, social, racial, or educational backgrounds. This is good news for those of us who have fallen victim to these predators; without consistency, their behavior couldn’t be classified and we’d never know what hit us.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who was drained by a lover who did his evil and then simply waltzed off, leaving you to sweep up the dust of your desiccated self-esteem. Read this book, replenish, recover, and know that what ails the NPD wasn’t your fault, although he no doubt blamed everything on you whenever you voiced any discontent.
Most books on narcissism focus on the narcissistic parent. If you were romantically involved with a narcissist, this book speaks directly to your pain. Make it your bible for recovery from the NPD and move on with your life. It should be recommended reading for anyone who dates these days, as narcissism is rampant in our culture and only appears to be getting worse. Get educated and protect yourself from these real-life vampires. Narcissistic Lovers also gives online support resources and a bibliography of books that address how to deal with your (perhaps) propensity for NPDs. Even if you trust your instincts and drop these losers the first time they harm you, you may find it fascinating (as I did) to learn about narcissism and the various other personality disorders that are on the rise.
An excellent overview of Narcissistic partners
The book is not clinical and probably does get carried away a little with the codependency angle, but I gained so much understanding about the past as well as the knowledge that there was nothing I could ever have done to make it work. That knowledge alone is very freeing! This book shouldn’t be your only source for info on Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but it’s a very affirming and informative place to start!
Getting Married? Read This Book First
Straight from Hell, the narcissistic ‘lover’ will appear, to ruin your life.
The only person the narcissist loves is the narcissist himself (or herself).
You are a provider. Money. Sex. Nothing more.
The ‘power’ that the narcissist seems to have is that you do not know what the narcissist is doing to you. To your mind. To your heart.
Better to pay for this book than to pay a divorce lawyer.
Skip Counseling and Read This Book
Issues with their mothers
Looking young for their age
Being in an Open Relationship
The person I was dealing with had all of these issues, most glaringly a woman he had lived with for 20+ years, but they were “just roommates.” Later in our relationship, I was told she was “like a wife to him, but without the sex.” I remember being stunned by these revelations as they unfolded bit by bit. I had never heard of someone living in this manner. Since I was all about truth and I had not caught him in a lie, I believed every word. And I made excuses for his behavior, both to myself and others, because he was so good at knowing just how to play me.
Blames others for mistakes and failures
Disrespect for your boundaries or treating you like an object for his own satisfaction
Super-sensitive and becomes slighted or insulted easily
Desire for control (this may be masked at first)
Eagerness to become committed (at first)
Condescending/patronizing as the relationship progresses
The person I “knew” was highly intelligent, yet had done nothing with his life. He had a lot of friends (according to him), but none of them seemed to know the person I knew. The whiner, complainer who blamed his lack of goals/accomplishments in life on his mother and the live-in of 20 years. I could not believe that evolved, educated people (friends) would buy into that story. Slowly, I came to realize that he was somewhat of a chameleon; he could morph into whomever he needed to be to fit his needs. He was falsely humble and shy, when in actuality he was pompous and always thinking about how to work situations to his advantage.
By the time, I chose to discontinue contact, I had wasted 1 1/2 years of my life dealing with him and felt as though I had been through a battle emotionally. My own co-dependent behaviors played into this situation and manifested themselves in a number of self-destructive ways on me personally.
The book recommends a “no contact” rule and to never again re-connect for any reason. I cannot tell you how important the decision to quit speaking to him has been for me personally. I feel like I have my life back again.
What about the NPD Female?!!
The Best Book on Narcissistic Relationships
This one will make the light bulb go off in your head. I gave the book to my therapist so it will help future clients. What people don’t understand is that only those of us raised like a lab rat by these monsters and then attracted to other Narcissists as a result really understand it and that includes the so called experts, Psychiatrists and therapists. God Bless you and help you if you are reading this.
Narcissistic Lovers: How to Cope, Recover and Move On
My recovery started with reading this book and learning about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and understanding how my background made me the perfect victim of a narcissist. Now that I know these things, I am confident that I will be able to identify a narcissist from a mile away, and once healed and stronger, will be able to create a better relationship in the future.