How couples can restore trust and repair love relationships
Even the strongest relationship can be eroded by common, everyday breaches of trust. A small lie about a purchase, a cover-up for a forgotten birthday–each takes a bite out of trust. Over time, intimate confidences are weakened and the foundation of trust begins to crumble. It is Dr. Block's firm belief that when couples feel emotionally safe with each other, their relationship is more passionate, open, uninhibited, and sexually alive.
Filled with inspiring case studies from Dr. Block's private practice, this book offers couples an innovative, solution-oriented approach to restoring trust and repairing love relationships shattered or eroded by betrayal.
Includes chapters covering: Recognizing the Signs of Trust . . . and Mistrust Dance Away Lovers: The Trust-Mistrust Relationship Jealousy, Lover's Hell The Frontier of Trust: Sexual Fidelity Restoring Trust
"Through a spirited, imaginative exploration of love relationships, Block develops a useful roadmap for those who want their relationship to be meaningful." –Daniel Acaoz, founder, American Journal of Family Therapy
- Paperback: 256 pages
- Publisher: Contemporary Books; 1 edition (November 15, 2001)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 0809223988
- ISBN-13: 978-0809223985
- Product Dimensions: 5.6 x 0.5 x 8.6 inches
- Shipping Weight: 10.4 ounces
A Book that Invites Compassions to Trusting Relationships
1. Everyday behaviors that small promises are broken (never call when they say they will call, canceling a birthday dinner, etc)
2. Jealousy games (flirting with others, commenting your attractions to others/others’ attractions towards you, etc)
3. Childhood and Family Experience
4. Some of the roots of the infidelity/affairs that lead to the break of trust
5. The lack of communication (especially communicating their most inner thoughts/feelings)
This book also talks about realistic expectations of seeking couple/marriage counseling as well as many helpful tools/techniques to build/re-build a trusting relationship with your partner (it gets worse before it gets better). Dr. Block states that trust is being breached when reliability and consistency of one’s behavior is not developed. When couples were hurt by each other’s past behavior, the most important thing for one to do is to heal the pain and Dr. Block provides specific steps in how to do so (e.g. sticking with the issues than trying to open the old wounds, express how you feel rather than becoming defensive, etc).
In my opinion, people sometimes have reasons to be distrustful. When your partner has demonstrated ambivalent behavior consistently and when there has been numerous warning signs (such as the partner saves the love letters from their secret lovers, comes home very late every day, etc), one has a right to become distrustful. When one feels the other has been playing numerous manipulation/jealousy games just to get what he/she wants (where it could be money, sex, power, control, status, etc), one just has the right not to continue to trust. One has a right to question when their partner has been consistently running games. If one has vowed to commit to another, seeing one person exclusively, their behavior/actions need to be consistent with the vows. Only when the both of the partners are willing to work towards staying together and loving each other in mending/creating/re-building trust relationship, broken promises ultimately lead to emotional withdrawal and parting at the end.
I used to hear people say, “I immediately/automatically trust someone I just met unless he/she has demonstrated a specific/concrete evidence not to trust.” I used to question what was wrong with me about not able to trust others in the first meeting. I finally come to conclude that I disagree with the statement where one should be able to trust another in the first glance. Of course, it is not right to paint a pre-judgment/inaccurate picture on someone with little/no evidence (which could be wrong perceptions). One always has the right to withhold trust till a point you feel they are reliable and predictable in many aspects. Trust is different from being in control. Trust is when you are comfortable your partner’s behavior would not hurt your feelings. You do not need to control in order to feel the love from your partner. Trust also takes time to build, sometimes years to build. It needs to be earned and your partner needs to be able to go through the peaks and valleys with you (and vice versa). When we become naïve to trust in first glance, we subject ourselves to be vulnerable where our heart/bank account will be hurt by people who are manipulators (of course manipulators would not admit they’re running games). Trust can also be broken by only just one act (e.g. having an affair). One’s actions/behavior, not one’s words demonstrate whether he/she is trustworthy. The actions/behaviors need to be consistent throughout the course of time. This is how one can build the credibility for others to trust. Of course actions/behaviors need to be accompanied with open expression of feelings/emotions.
Last, but not the least, one needs to realize when trust is breached, it is time to take very good care of yourself and to heal the pain. You are not responsible for your partner’s misbehavior. However, it is important not to act out of anger and vengeful thoughts (such as saying demeaning words, payback, etc). Feel the pain, the hurt, the anger and the rage as it comes. Write down all your thoughts even if it requires you to write the curse words down. Talk to your therapist if you have one. Turn yourself to your support group (family, friends where you know they love you and treat you well). Sometimes, men and women’s group will also work well in validating your pain and hurt. It is ok to cry and it is ok to seek help. The most important thing is to heal after the broken promises. If your partner demonstrates remorse, he/she will turn to you consistently and seek for your understanding/empathy. He/she will work on his/her issues very hard to demonstrate they are willing to change for the sake of the better. They would admit/accept their misbehavior than justifying. Most important of all, every one of us in this world is entitled to happiness. We are responsible for our own lives, not our partners’ lives.
The most helpful book I’ve read
A NECESSARY LOOK INTO CREATING A TRUSTING RELATIONSHIP
A Rare Find!
A great read