Patti Stanger created an overnight Bravo sensation as the star of her own reality series The Millionaire Matchmaker. As a matchmaker, she has been in the enviable position of having men all over the country open up and reveal what made them want to settle down—and what sent them running.
To every single woman sitting home alone wondering, “Where are all the good men, and why isn’t a gorgeous one standing shirtless in my kitchen mixing me up a pomegranate mojito?” she says, “I hate to tell you this girlfriend, but it’s your own fault.” But don’t worry, with her straightforward attitude, Patti doles out her best tried-and-true advice to help women of all ages get out of their own way and get hitched.
Using her infectious confidence and bravado, Patti promises that if you follow her advice and commit to her program, you’ll have found Mr. Perfect in less than a year.
- Paperback: 288 pages
- Publisher: Atria Books; First Edition edition (December 29, 2009)
- Language: English
- ISBN-10: 1416597719
- ISBN-13: 978-1416597711
- Product Dimensions: 5.3 x 0.8 x 8.5 inches
- Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces
I agree w/ the reviewers who said take this w/ a grain of salt
I don’t think redheads need to dye their hair to attract a man. I don’t think you need to have long hair to attract a man, especially if you don’t good w/ long hair (I look awful w/ long hair. never have looked good w/ it. My hair looks best when it’s a medium length) and I don’t think you need to run around w/ an index card sized calling card w/ your photo and personal stats on it (although it might be useful if you’re attending a lot of dating events). To me that just comes off a bit weird. but the suggestions to take time w/ your appearance even if you’re just running out to the grocery store and for a few errands, did prove useful. (met 2 guys at the hardware store when I was buying some tools and later another time when I was in the gardening section. A lot of unattached single guys there on Friday nights. the hardware store might have to start charging a cover charge.)
I also did try some of the places she suggested meeting people and had some success and it inspired me to think outside of the box when thinking of where to meet people. (I used to play golf so I did go to the driving range and I met a few available guys there. It’s a neighborhood range so I won’t meet any millionaires there but then I’m not looking for one. I also became more active in my favorite charities and have met some men through there. I really have no interest in watching sports so I don’t see the point in faking it–it sets up a false impression of who you are.) Try new things and do activities that interest you. When you’re engaged in the activity, you become engaging.
The best advice in here was to know yourself and know what you want and to stay focused on what you want so you aren’t distracted by your hormones and charmed by someone who isn’t heading in the same direction you are and doesn’t want what you want.
My recommendation is to read the book, take what you find to be useful, try a few of her suggestions that you think are a bit over the top just for the sake of doing it, and enter the entire process as if you’re on a new adventure—like it’s something exciting and new.
She suggests that all women straighten their hair, wear sexy high heels and always look perfect while with the man she wants to become her husband. But for how long can a woman pretend to have a style or identity that is not her own? What happens when “Cinderella” reveals herself? What is to stop a man from divorcing a woman if she changes after marriage? Adopting a fake persona in order to win a man’s heart is not a sensible strategy for a woman who wants a marriage that will last, hopefully forever. Better to let him see you with your curly hair and comfortable shoes in the beginning so he can decide whether he likes the real you, rather than end up divorced after he discovers the real you.
I also think it’s interesting that she puts women of color in a separate “exotic” category, and not in the “sexpot” “intellectual”, “girl next door”, or “cute and perky”. So a nonwhite woman cannot be intelligent, sexy or cute? According to her, women like Halle Berry, Lucy Lui, Shakira, Iman and Salma Hayek “are not considered beautiful, but their features are presented in a unique way” What does it mean to have “uniquely presented” features? Are their noses attached to their foreheads instead of in the middle of their faces? I think all of the aforementioned women are beautiful. She says that ” these women are arresting because there is something unusual and intriguing about them”. So does that mean that men who are attracted to them are not normal? That is very insulting, but I don’t think she meant to offend nonwhite women, she just considers them second to white women, which I guess is okay, since she is white it makes sense that she would present women like herself as normal and other women as exotic.
DO NOT go on another date until you have read this book…
I have been teaching a 4 Step Process for Attracting Your Perfect Mate for 7 years, and I just started a blog, and I have all these notes for writing a book. I was so jealous when I first saw the title of Patti’s book. I felt like Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting, “He stole my line”.
Then I started watching The Millionaire Matchmaker on Bravo regularly and I read the book. WOW! This is truly an amazing woman and her book is BRILLIANT! The introduction is a must read. It explains everything you see on the TV show. Patti Stanger has been there and done that and lived to share her wisdom in an informative and most entertaining way. For example on page 14 of the introduction she exposes that she went to a “spiritual santero” to cast a spell that would bring “Mat” back to her. The spell works and Mat comes back, however, looking back, Patti realizes she actually wanted control, and that is what she got when Mat showed back up. She got controlled for three years.
That is the Universal Law of Attraction. Each of us is like a radio transmitter sending out your true vibration, and that is who you attract to listen to your station. Which brings up Step Two. Mirror, Mirror. This chapter is all about “What’s on the Outside DOES Count. Some people may be turned off by this because they think it’s what’s inside that really counts. I can understand that reaction, however, the conversation about mastering inner beauty is a whole other book. To be truely attractive you must have inner AND outer beauty in balance, and Step Two of Patti’s book is a great place to get some valuable tips on mastering outer beauty.
I will have to add Mirror, Mirror to my Perfect Mate classes. It’s about Attracting Your Perfect Mate by looking in the mirror of your date, and that reminds me of one of Patti’s most perfect tips. “No sex until monogomy”, there is a good reason for this tip; oxytocin bonding. Trust me, if you don’t already know what that is, you will want to buy the book just for that information. It could save you years of suffering and heart ache.
I found a lot of other great tips like the one in Step Four on page 123, “YOU CAN’T CHANGE HIM!” followed by “Every woman thinks sex is the glue, and they are so wrong.” “Finding the right guy is like finding the perfect pair of shoes…. You want to be able to stand and walk in them for blocks and still be comfortable.”
This book will truely prepare you to Become Your Own MATCHMAKER.
I unconditionally recommend it to anyone who is single and dating or wants to be married, or in a committed relationship.
Chapter 2 Turns Me Off
On the last page of the book, Patti says, “If you learn anything from this book, I want you to remember that you have the power to attract Mr. Right For You at any moment. Don’t listen to the other men who say you’re not pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, or rich enough, because you ARE!” Huh??? I guess you’re supposed to be all of these things AFTER you’ve read and implemented the advice given in Chapter 2. I guess I’m supposed to be thinking about how I “have the power to attract Mr. Right For Me at any moment” while I am getting my “Bio Cards” printed (postcard-sized cards that include your picture and personal information such as your dating site bio, where you went to school, and your phone number. Patti recommends that women carry around these cards in order to pass them out to interested men).
Surprisingly good information given honestly and thoughtfully
Take Patti’s advice with a grain of salt
Patti is a very funny writer with a no-nonsense attitude, and I like that a lot about her. I am only a third of the way through the book, so I can only comment on what I’ve read so far.
So much of what she says does make sense, but I would tell any average woman reading the chapter I am reading – the one about looks – to ignore most of what she says about physical appearance. In this chapter, Patti gives tips on how to complete re-do yourself physically in order to attract a man. She bases her advice on what she says men have been telling her for years – that they like women with giant boobs, and only blonde or brown hair. Redheads with short hairdos – like me – apparently, don’t stand a chance. I was really hoping that in 2009, we – both men and women – would be past this whole nonsense of what women SHOULD look like, which according to Patti, is whatever men seem to like, not what we – as women – feel is beautiful.
When reading this chapter, keep in mind that the men who have been giving this feedback to Patti are millionaires – in LA, no less, land of superficiality and flakiness. Money equals power and Patti’s clients want arm candy, not real love. REAL love requires an ability to look beyond the physical and see the person who will continue to be there though thick and thin. Any man who “requires” that you look a certain way in order for him to pay you any attention isn’t worth any of yours. If a man is going to be shallow enough to care if you are a few pounds overweight, then that’s his problem, don’t make it yours.
And I have to say, as a short-haired redhead, I have been told by many male friends that redheads are considered mysterious and a prize for men, not something to run away from, as Patti states is the case. Redheads just don’t cut the mustard, in her opinion.
With that said, I’m looking forward to finishing the rest of the book, as a lot of what Patti says does make sense – I have known of the oxytocin bonding syndrome for years and I’m happy someone else is finally backing me up on it! Just keep in mind that Patti’s in the business of matching very rich men in a very shallow city in America – what they are looking for is not the average woman, so a lot of her advice doesn’t apply. Please, just be yourselves, ladies, it’s the best way to find a real mate.
Fun, with some useful tidbits for anyone
I recommend reading this book in conjunction with the following books, which will help you recognize bad dating patterns of your past, “red flag” men to stay away from, and qualities that are more than skin deep so that you can actually enjoy your relationship once you’ve established one:
Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love
Dating Up: Dump the Schlump and Find a Quality Man
Whom Not to Marry: Time-Tested Advice from a Higher Authority
Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away
The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of Your Life with the Law of Attraction
Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bring You and Your Soulmate Together
Calling in “The One”: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life
David Shade’s ebook “Select Men Wisely” I will also highly recommend, although I don’t see it available on Amazon.com at this time.
Overall, Ms. Stanger’s book is as enjoyable as the show, and she draws from a lot of interesting real life experiences throughout this book, so it is also an enjoyable read. You will need a little more information than she gives you in order to fill out your soul mate or ideal date list, but the other books I mentioned should fill in the gap for that piece of the process.
I liked that she went into what a guy wants physically, and yes, it is a variety, but we should always try to look our best, not to wear enough make up to look like a clown, and apparently you need to add in wearing high heals, and having longer hair. I wouldn’t have given serious thought to the last two suggestions.
I like that she asks you to work through your old baggage, and not to bring it to a date. Guess what, we all have our own baggage, but we really should deal with it, and not make someone else carry it around. she asks us to not talk about bad previous dates, or really talk about anyone badly, because that is a reflection of ourselves.
Other good points I thought she had was not having sex without have an exclusive and committed relationship, and giving it 90 days before having sex. If you think about it, it is sound advice, many people you date you shuffle though long before 90 days, and well it eliminates booty calls. It also helps seperate out the relationship minded men, and the those who aren’t interested in a long-term relationship.
Many other good points in this book. Definately worthwhile. Follow her advice and you will eliminate a lot of needless dating, and save yourself some heartache. I highly recommend this book to anyone who is dating, male or female.