This Week on Daytime — Biggest Dating Myths. Busted.

April 21, 2009

Be sure to tune in to Daytime on Tuesday when I’ll be talking about another BUSTING THE 6 BIGGEST DATING MYTHS

Are they Universal Truths of Dating, or merely Hookup Urban Legends? We’ve all heard them — Men only want to date beautiful women, women only want to date men with money. Are they true? Or do they just feel true? I asked my buddy and URGE & MERGE dating blogger Michael Alvear to weigh in as well.

1) Men only want to date women who are beautiful

Lisa says:
Men are visual, and we are all, you know, biologically programmed to seek out the healthiest, most fertile, genetically sound mate we can snag. But for many men, beauty, at least in the supermodel-y way we women tend to imagine it, is not the be all- end all.

Micheal Alvear says:
Yes. It’s not that we don’t want the rest of the goodies–personality, kindness, humor, etc. It’s that we want all those gifts wrapped in a beautiful box!

2) Women only want to date men with money

Lisa says:
Sure, a fat bank account is appealing for many women, but a lot of women just want to date someone is responsible and practical. Sometimes, looking at how a guy handles his finances is a way to determine how he???s running the rest of his life.

This reminds me of a quote from my very favorite Marilyn Monroe movie, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: ???Don’t you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn’t marry a girl just because she’s pretty, but my goodness, doesn’t it help????

Michael Alvear says:
Women want to date men who have a car but don’t live in it.

3) Men want sex, not commitment

Lisa says:
Yes, men want sex. But many of them also want commitment, love, family, and many of the things that we tend to attribute to women. When we assume that men are only dating for sex, we do them a disservice. (Plus, the us vs. them mentality isn???t doing any of us any favors.) This is, I???m afraid, the thing we women tell ourselves when a relationship we had hope for doesn???t get any traction. (Guys, before you start working yourself into a lather of righteous indignation, remember you do the same thing with the whole ???all women are gold diggers” mantra.)

It takes two to get married, and while the males of the species may have executed the greatest marketing campaign in history by convincing the ladies that they???re doing them a big favor by walking down the aisle, many men actually do want to be in a committed, happy relationship. (Although sex will do in a pinch if that???s not available.)

Michael Alvear says:
We like to think about relationships like a bacon and eggs breakfast: The chicken was involved; the pig was committed. We’d rather be the chicken.

4) The nice guys don???t get the girl

Lisa says:

Most stable women actually do want to date a nice guy. The problem happens not when a guy is ???too nice??? but when he???s not masculine enough. A doormat. A weenie.

You can be the nicest guy in the world, and still be a guy. That???s what we???re looking for. Don???t let us walk all over you. Don???t ???yes dear??? us into a catatonic state. And don???t be afraid to take that testosterone out for a spin once in a while.

Michael Alvear says:
Bull. Nice guys EVENTUALLY get the girl.

5) The longer you???ve been dating, the more likely the chances you???ll get married

Lisa says:
This tends to be an issue for women more than men. They believe that the more time they have invested in a relationship, the higher their chances that it will eventually result in a trip down the aisle. But in interviewing several hundred men in the research stage for Stop Getting Dumped! All you need to know to make men fall madly in love with you and marry ???The One??? in 3 years or less , I found that men know whether or not they want to marry a woman within the first 1-2 years, and if they don???t feel it by then, the chances that they???ll feel it later begin to decline quickly.

In other words, after a couple of years, he knows enough about you to make the decision. So why do guys stay in a relationship for years (and years, and years) when then they know they don???t want to marry a woman? Because they???re comfortable, and maybe even happy in the relationship, and nothing better has come along.

Michael Alvear says:
No. Once you past the 3-5 year phase, the chances slope down like a bent-necked pack mule.

6. Men are intimidated by powerful women.

An online dating study quoted in Freakonomics found that once a woman hit $100,000 in income, her appeal as an online dating candidate went down dramatically.

The truth is, insecure men are intimidated by powerful women. But secure men are not.

So instead of thinking of your kick-butt-in-the-boardroom ways as a liability, look at it as a way to weed out the needy masses. And remember that for lots of guys, there???s nothing sexier than a confident woman.

Michael Alvear says:
Yes, but less and less so.


Lisa appears every week on Daytime, check your local TV listings for times and stations.

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Dating Coach and Relationships Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books, Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and the totally funny novel Fifteen Minutes of Shame. You???ve seen her everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.

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