Ask Lisa! Should I move in or move on?

April 1, 2009

Dating Ad Network

Dear Lisa,

I’m 21, and have been going with the same guy for two years now, (he’s 22.) I want to move in together, and he doesn’t. He lives with two friends, who I like and get along with, but I’m sick of always sitting at his house and watching TV with his buddies. Also, I still live with my mother and step-dad about 20 minutes away, and I work a lot closer to where he lives. I don’t push this issue everyday, just every couple of months. I feel like we should move to the next level, but he says ???no way!??? Is this a dead end relationship that I’ve put my heart and soul into for two years, hopefully trying to get to this point of living together? What should I do?

Moving In or Moving On?

Dear Moving.

Sit down, darlin???, I don???t think you???re going to be crazy about what I have to say. Your guy doesn???t want to move in together. Maybe he thinks the two of you are too young to take such a huge step. Maybe he just got out of Mom and Dad???s house and wants to hang on his own with his buddies for a while. Maybe the he wants to see what will happen on the next season of ???The Bachelor??? and he wants to make sure he gets control of the remote and a good spot on the couch. Whatever his reasons are, they???re valid. He doesn???t want to move in with you at this stage in his life, and you need to respect that and drop the subject.

I get the impression that you think moving in together will 1) shorten your drive to work 2) get you out of your mom???s house, and 3) get him to stop watching TV with his friends. Here???s the good news: you can move in with some girlfriends and accomplish the first two. Here???s the bad news: Even if you did successfully needle your guy into cohabitation, the only thing that will change will be the names on the lease. His pals will still be sitting on the couch every night watching TV, dripping nacho cheese on the carpet. Only then, you won???t have any place else to go. Drop the subject and enjoy the guy. And, if you???re sick of spending all your time watching TV, make other plans. You don???t want to spend your twenties in front of the tube making a dent on the couch. That???s what your forties are for.


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Dating Coach and Relationships Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books, Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and the totally funny novel Fifteen Minutes of Shame. You???ve seen her everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.

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{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

MindyB April 1, 2009 at 12:24 pm

Dear Lisa,

‘m 20 and my sorta guy is 20. We dated for 6 months before he broke up with me last week. It was an out of the blue breakup because everything was fine and great but one issue that I knew about but didn’t have a problem with came up. From the beginning I knew he still harbored a fired for an ex of his… he knew they never would get back together but he still harbored feelings for her which he never understood…she treated him like dirt… he was just a security blanket to her whenever she had problems with her boyfriend…well the day we broke up he pointed out he couldn’t love me…because of her. Now we ended up talking the next day when we both were calm down and he said he didn’t mean all those things he said…he just couldn’t handle me crying because he is used to girls being more angry. By the way he is also bipolar if may play any part, but in the end we decided to keep things the same… not see other people… just not keep the title bf/gf right now… Also he is going to Afghan and didn’t want me worrying about him (which he knows I’m gonna do anyway)

My question is what do I do? A lot of people have told me to move on, that he is just gonna end up using me for emotional support… but I am head over heels for this guy and he said it doesn’t necessarily mean we are over for good… just right now… it kinda surprised him the other day how much he missed me… And to top it off a few days ago we were at a friends house drinking and as we were going to sleep that night he said “Just face it… you will always be mine”… What does that mean???

Also in our 4th month of dating I ended up fighting with my mom and ended up living with him for a month… I think the fact that we ended up having sooo much time together affected it a little bit… maybe it is space we need because he was happy on Monday than ever to see me and do our thing…and we hadn’t really did that since the breakup or even before then


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