Ask Lisa! My date won’t come to my door

March 19, 2009

Dear Lisa,

What do you do if your date doesn’t pick you up at the door, and just calls from his cell to have you come out? Should you say something about it so he will (or won’t) do it next time?

Ring or Ring the Doorbell?

Dear Ring,

It dismays me to hear that will all of the recent improvements in modern men (thank you, Queer Eye guys,) that your young Romeo is not schooled in dating etiquette. Is Drive-by Dating really acceptable? The answer, of course, is no. Your date should absolutely come to your door to pick you up. The last-second cell call to meet you on the street is the modern day equivalent to honking the horn at the curb.

(The exception, of course is made for NYC dates on the rare occasions that one actually is picked up in a car — we all know parking and walking the 87 blocks to pick up your date at her apartment would take several hours longer than the date itself. However, if we’re talking public transportation, a cab or a car service, the standard pick-her-up-at-the-door rule still applies. It is, after all, the gentlemanly thing to do.)

Fortunately, you have the power when it comes to deciding how you will allow yourself to be treated. Understandably you are not enthusiastic about being paged like a call girl at the convenience of your date.

I’m sure he’s not a bad guy and that he probably isn’t intending to be disrespectful. You’ll just need to help him on the path to better date behavior. Try these trouble-free approaches:

First, don’t answer your phone if he’s calling three minutes before your date is supposed to start.

Second, if calls and asks you to meet him on the street, tell him either 1) you prefer he picks you up at the door or 2) (if you must) be sneaky and tell him you’re not ready and ask him to come on in for a minute.

After two or three dates, he’ll realize the “Come on Down” approach doesn’t work with you and he’ll soon be on his best behavior whenever he comes to pick you up.


You might also like this handy dandy dating advice book, guaranteed to help you find your own happily ever after How to Date Like a Grown-Up: Everything You Need to Know to Get Out There, Get Lucky, or Even Get Married in Your 40s, 50s, and Beyond


Ask Lisa! My date won’t come to my door by Lisa Daily(c) Copyright 2001-2013 by Lisa Daily. All Rights Reserved. Plus me on Google, won’t you please? Thanks!

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