Advice for Dating: How to Talk to a Girl?

December 18, 2010

One of the questions I get most often from guys is some variation on how to talk to a girl or how to text a girl or how not freak out when you’re within a 15-foot radius of a girl.

And while every pick up artist forum on the web offers up a variety of tricks and tips (usually branded with goofy names like “the tequila tango” or “surprise seven seduction” ) the truth is, none of that stuff is the magic solution you’re looking for.

Here’s the biggest secret in the world when it comes to how to talk to a girl:

No one is listening to you anyway.

A lot of would-be flirters get hung up on the opening line. They???re so worried that what they say is going to be perceived badly that they are never quite able to muster the nerve to make the approach.

Or worse, they do make the approach, but they???re so nervous and insecure about what they???re saying that they get shot down immediately.

Well, there???s good news for the tongue-tied and lovelorn:

When it comes to the early stages of flirting, what you say doesn???t really matter.

According to a study at UCLA, up to 93% of communication messages are determined by nonverbal cues. That???s right, only 7% of what you say hangs on the actual words you use, while 38% is vocal (your pitch, rhythm, volume, etc) and a whopping 55% is your body language (facial expressions, posture, confidence, etc.)

Which means you???ll be far better served by a look of confidence than a witty pick-up line.

The most important thing to remember when approaching someone new is that while an inappropriate line can put you out of the running, everything else is pretty much benign. In other words, you won???t ruin your chances by being boring. At least not right off the bat.

A recent UK study of effective pickup lines conducted by Psychologist Christopher Bale found that, ???Openings involving jokes, empty compliments and sexual references received poor ratings.???

And another UK study found that the best opening lines were lighthearted, open-ended questions (rather than yes or no questions) such as ???What???s your favorite kind of pizza???? or, ???If you were going as a TV character to a costume party, who would you be????


Have a question for Lisa Daily? Leave a comment below.

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Need Advice for Dating? Dating Coach and Relationships Expert Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of two dating books, Stop Getting Dumped!, How to Date Like a Grownup and the totally funny novel Fifteen Minutes of Shame. You???ve seen her everywhere from Entertainment Tonight to the HITCH movie DVD.

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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

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